Back from Hiatus - again

I came back to my blog today, and I discovered a forgotten post from March of this year.  The post was written when I was still trying to process the loss of a job with a company I had been a part of for almost ten years.  In essence, the longest relationship I had maintained in my adult life was with this company - and while there were many restructures over the years, this was the first time my name was unexpectedly included among the casualties.  Looking at the date, exactly nine months have passed since that day.  It's crazy how quickly time flies... in the last nine months, I have changed jobs twice, we've welcomed home a new puppy, we've lost a dear friend, and we've taken on the new adventure of married life.  So much happens with so little time passing.

Consider this blog a bit of playing catch up.  I plan to spread this out over several posts.  I will no doubt fail to give each event the attention that it deserves, and also miss some events that normally would be included were I keeping up with this blog as I should.  So if you are reading this, bear with me.  And I will make the sincere effort to do better in the future.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I came home in March.  The original plan was to come home full-time in August, but life had other plans for me.  At almost 32 years of age, I was faced with the question of "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?"  It took me the last nine months to figure that out, but that's better than rushing into anything.  My experience to date revolved around Sales and Use Tax and the software that large companies required to track, report, and remit those taxes.  Coming home to Millinocket, ME - there wasn't exactly a market for that sort of thing.  Honestly - there isn't much of a market for anything in Millinocket.  The mills have shut down, a large percentage of the population is unemployed, and with the current state of the area - there isn't much in the way of full-time employment.  My situation looked bleak, and so I felt a career change was needed.  I applied to Eastern Maine Community College (EMCC) with the intent to enter their Medical Radiography program.  It would allow me to continue my unemployment benefits while going to school full-time.  I saw this as a win-win situation...until I realized that they were not accepting applications for this program until the fall...for a start date of the following fall semester.  My timing wasn't right, and so I applied for the Liberal Studies track and continued looking for employment.

I ended up taking a part-time job with EMCC at Katahdin Region Higher Education Center (KRHEC).  KRHEC is a distance learning center for University College (University of Maine System) and EMCC.  I picked up the allowed 6 credits of coursework on an employee tuition waiver, and I continued to look for full-time employment.  I still was not 100% sure what direction I would like to go in my career change, but I had a wedding coming up in September to focus on - and that took up a great deal of my spare time.

The summer flew by, September saw me turn 32 and change my last name (more on that later), and in October I thought I had found a perfect opportunity for me.  A firm in Bangor was looking for someone to fill a position that was almost identical to the position I held in Massachusetts.  The pay was great for this area, and the benefits were better than I had at my prior position.  There was just one catch - it was 60+ minutes each way, five days a week, for a commute.  I came home trying to focus on the positives and stay excited about the opportunity.  The company was well-respected.  The people there were amazing.  But did I want to give up that much of my week to a company/job rather than spend it with my family?  My husband, as always, was supportive of whatever decision I would make.  And in the end - while out duck-hunting of all things - I told him that I just couldn't take a job that would take away my opportunity to do things like this with him before/after work.  Family was my focus now, not career.

That was a hard pill to swallow.  For ten years, career was my focus.  I became defined by my work ethic, my subject area knowledge, and basically... by my paycheck.  When my family talked about me, it was always pride about how much I was making - when someone asked who I was, I always seemed to lead with my career.  So who was I without it?  Who was I without a focus on career?  It took me going back to basics and reaching into the past to figure that out.  I made lists, I wrote in my journal, and I thought long and hard about the things I enjoyed doing - not the things that would make the most money.  It all brought me right back to where I had started - Education.  It was my original intention when I enrolled at University of Maine - Presque Isle back in 2002, and now it seems I've come full-circle.  I think it was also heavily influenced by memories of my great-grandmother, Lyda, who was in the education field for over 40 years.

On November 30th, I began my current position in Milo, ME as an Educational Technician III/BHP.  I work with children who, for one reason or another, cannot be in the regular classroom.  The goal of this program is to help them to develop the necessary coping skills so that they may return to the regular classroom and be successful.  I've only been there a few weeks.  I come home exhausted every day.  But I love my job and truly feel a part of something that is making a difference.  This has led me to apply for my teacher certification with the Maine Department of Education and register for my Praxis exam - a standardized exam required for all teachers.  In the end, I would love to follow in Gram Steen's footsteps - teaching the next generation and having a positive impact.  Every child needs at least one adult they can trust to succeed.  I hope my future students find that in their own families, but if not - they may find that in Mrs. Winslow's math class.

For now - I am happy.  I will not say content because being content leads a person to be stagnant.  We always should have goals we are working for.  I am happy working with my students in Milo.  I am happy to have found my path forward, although there will undoubtedly be some hard work on the road ahead.

The Owl - March 2016

It just so happens that I am lucky enough to be engaged to a Law Enforcement Ranger in Baxter State Park.  I say lucky for many reasons, but on one particular day in March - it was because I had the opportunity to hop on the back of a sled to Katahdin Stream Campground.  Rangers Mike and Bruce were beginning work on replacing the foot-bridge at Katahdin Stream, and they would be there for the whole day.  This gave me a full day of hiking where I could choose from any number of trails that begin there.  Being a solo-hiker, I chose the less strenuous hike of The Owl over climbing Katahdin.

It was really my first time out in the woods since losing my job at Taxware, LLC in Massachusetts.  For the first time, I fell casualty to a corporate restructure.  As with any great "loss" I have experienced, I knew that time in the woods would serve me well.  It's a place to both lose the world and find yourself - a place that offers much healing.

I was fortunate to have a clear, sunny day to hike.  While it was a little chilly in the woods, as I gained elevation and the trees thinned - the temperature rose.  By the time I reached the summit, I had shed all but my base-layer.  On the climb, I lost myself in the simplicity of just placing one foot in front of the other.  The feeling of breathing in the cold air, the sound of all of the birds around me - even just the slight breeze moving through the trees.  It all seemed to wash the filth of the city away from my mind.  Odd as it sounds, it was like hitting a reset button in my soul.

After reaching the summit, I turned back down the mountain to stop at a look-out just shy of the summit.  Clouds had rolled in earlier in the day, so there was no view of the mountain.  I didn't care - I grabbed some plank photos for Boots, took out my PB&J, and just watched the clouds moving through.  I thought a lot about life in the time I sat there.  It's the kind of reflection that happens on it's own and only when you feel a bit isolated from the world.  I know that just a few miles away there were two rangers hard at work, but the feeling of isolation was still there.  It allowed me to process all that had happened in such a short time, and as I sat there counting my blessings - family, friends, the love of a ranger - the clouds cleared along with my mood.  There is nothing more healing than time in the North Maine Woods.